november

its hard to believe that my last post came before everything that has happened since.

for starters, i graduated from high school in crimson with my best friends in the galaxy.

5 days later with those 5 friends, i flew 10 hours to the magic that awaited us in europe. all of our expectations waiting to be met or not. the month was a turbulent one, filled with estrogen, pimms, flu's and trains. while it pushed many of us to our limits by testing our ability to stay away from home, sever ties for a month and be in a constant state of motion, it allowed many of us to grow (at least the majority). I was able to look back and think that in retrospect the trip had been amazing (and it was) and that all our little dilemmas were diminished to something insignificant. upon our return, we all fell back into the normal rhythm of our everyday lives. the month that followed in my mind did not seem like it was the same amount of time we had been in europe. it was hard to think back and remember the feelings and emotions that ran through my mind and body while traveling. it was like it was gone; like it is still gone. i romanticize our travels, as do many when thinking about past experiences. all i know now is that being still has its advantages, but i want something, need something that puts that frenzy back into my mind (with some me time added in).

and now, november 7th, i have been at college in montana for 2 and a half months. i am that student that talks to her mom everyday, not because my mom won't leave me alone, but because i won't leave her alone. i would be able to deal with the separation better i think, if i were somewhere where i felt and knew that i belonged. here, i feel as if i am floating around. mindlessly attending classes. maintaining a few (really, only a few) transient relationships in which the people aren't me. i can't find people who fill the void left by my friends. people here just aren't them. and so i am taunted almost for wanting to be alone and reading a novel. i thoroughly believe that in order for college to be the best years of your life, you need to be where you belong. my only problem is that i don't exactly know where that is.

for now, i will ride in remy's spotless car, sleep on the beach with ronnie, travel the country with dean, find new families with astrid and dream with the lisbons.

au revoir