happiness is a warm gun

i am at a point where in actuality i could care less. obsessions are fun, but they always pass; as mine did a while ago. and now, i am keeping my emotions in line and not getting attached to anyone or anything that isn't my mother or my television; or nail polish for that matter.

tangent:
i am getting so, extremely scared for the rest of my life as well as unbelievably excited. i know how much i want to get out and experience life. taste it, touch it, feel it, smell, see it. but now that i am pretty much a senior and i know that i am graduating in a year i can't help but feel scared for what lies ahead. everything is on me. i can't count on my parents, i have to count on myself. my adolescence is drawing to a close as much as i prefer it not to, you can't really help it. we are all forced to grow up; and i think having divorced parents; having a mother who has issues and tells you about them; living in this current world where the media (whether it is the news, the internet, or magazines) pushes ideas and a more mature way of seeing youth; a school where they demand so much of you but you know that you don't belong in that world where everyone is supposed to fit into the same mold; all of these things are catapulting us forward out of our innocence and into a life lost.
all i know is that i have a year left of high school. and at the moment i absolutely have to make the best of it. i want to remember this time differently than everyone i know being so focused on school and grades and colleges. its the stupid things that must be done, whether it be sneaking out, running through sprinklers at 2 in the morning, camping on our schools campus, having beatles marathons. whatever. but being active, being with my friends (the ones that i want to be around and chose to be around), doing random shit that may seem pointless but is so much fun and helps to make you feel like you are just a teenager.
thats what i want.

things are going to happen that are beyond my control (a little) and i need to get over them, because they have happened and they can't be taken back. it was fun, it was young; and i could care less.