i love zooey deschanel.
i love joseph gordon-levitt.
i love 500 days of summer.
i love researching european plans and keeping track of things in my camp rock notebook.
i love mumm-ra.
i love regina spektor.
i love bristol.
i love effy.
i love harry potter.
i love emma watson.
i love getting things done.
i love sleeping.
i love spending time with my mom, whether we are eating pizza and watching gossip girl or shopping or pretending we are british.
i love a lot more things, but these are the most pertinent due to the time.
:)
Sunday, July 12, 2009
everybodys changing
about a week ago i started this level five english class so i can get proficient on my essays.
one of which (the persuasive one) i am recycling from last school year because honestly i think it is good and with a few tweaks would warrant a proficient. the other i am so excited to write.
i am analyzing the relationship between cecilia lisbon and her wedding dress. i love the virgin suicides so much, and i just reread it. and i am still in the mindset i get from reading that book.
its so hard to explain, but you would understand if you read it. theres also the movie which is so awe inspiring.
which brings me to my next thought.
so in this class the teacher is really down to earth, and i appreciate her frankness. however, she kind of made me afraid of what is to become of me as i grow older. she told the class that rarely will you do whatever it is you want to. usually you go through 3 or so completely different jobs. she had majored in journalism, but went on to be a flight attendant to a teacher to something else i cant remember and back to teaching. it just scared me mainly because i am so passionate about films and fashion and i know that i want to dive into that life. but imagining that i am going to have multiple jobs that are completely different, i just don't like that idea. i can't think of doing something else. i am going to be a film studies major. i am. there is no doubt in my mind. and for me to decide that already makes me happy. even though i am scared i am optimistic that i will be one of the exceptions. i am so passionate about what i want to do that i feel as though that will keep me where i want to be rather than lacking that quality and thinking that i have no control over anything therefore i would change jobs frequently.
i'm 17 and its weird to think of the future in terms of life work and what not.
as of now i will spend the next week or so dedicated to harry potter.
one of which (the persuasive one) i am recycling from last school year because honestly i think it is good and with a few tweaks would warrant a proficient. the other i am so excited to write.
i am analyzing the relationship between cecilia lisbon and her wedding dress. i love the virgin suicides so much, and i just reread it. and i am still in the mindset i get from reading that book.
its so hard to explain, but you would understand if you read it. theres also the movie which is so awe inspiring.
which brings me to my next thought.
so in this class the teacher is really down to earth, and i appreciate her frankness. however, she kind of made me afraid of what is to become of me as i grow older. she told the class that rarely will you do whatever it is you want to. usually you go through 3 or so completely different jobs. she had majored in journalism, but went on to be a flight attendant to a teacher to something else i cant remember and back to teaching. it just scared me mainly because i am so passionate about films and fashion and i know that i want to dive into that life. but imagining that i am going to have multiple jobs that are completely different, i just don't like that idea. i can't think of doing something else. i am going to be a film studies major. i am. there is no doubt in my mind. and for me to decide that already makes me happy. even though i am scared i am optimistic that i will be one of the exceptions. i am so passionate about what i want to do that i feel as though that will keep me where i want to be rather than lacking that quality and thinking that i have no control over anything therefore i would change jobs frequently.
i'm 17 and its weird to think of the future in terms of life work and what not.
as of now i will spend the next week or so dedicated to harry potter.
Wednesday, June 17, 2009
here i stand
all i can say is that i hope i make it to wherever i want to go.
i have enough confidence in myself.
i think my school isn't the best place for me, because you are punished for not fitting in to the strict form that they set for everyone there. taking the same classes, no electives. its hard for teachers to see the good in you when you aren't amazing at math or science, or anything boring for that matter.
however, i know i can make it in the world because i am smart and independent and have ambition and drive to do what i want.
i have enough confidence in myself.
i think my school isn't the best place for me, because you are punished for not fitting in to the strict form that they set for everyone there. taking the same classes, no electives. its hard for teachers to see the good in you when you aren't amazing at math or science, or anything boring for that matter.
however, i know i can make it in the world because i am smart and independent and have ambition and drive to do what i want.
Wednesday, June 10, 2009
happiness is a warm gun
i am at a point where in actuality i could care less. obsessions are fun, but they always pass; as mine did a while ago. and now, i am keeping my emotions in line and not getting attached to anyone or anything that isn't my mother or my television; or nail polish for that matter.
tangent:
i am getting so, extremely scared for the rest of my life as well as unbelievably excited. i know how much i want to get out and experience life. taste it, touch it, feel it, smell, see it. but now that i am pretty much a senior and i know that i am graduating in a year i can't help but feel scared for what lies ahead. everything is on me. i can't count on my parents, i have to count on myself. my adolescence is drawing to a close as much as i prefer it not to, you can't really help it. we are all forced to grow up; and i think having divorced parents; having a mother who has issues and tells you about them; living in this current world where the media (whether it is the news, the internet, or magazines) pushes ideas and a more mature way of seeing youth; a school where they demand so much of you but you know that you don't belong in that world where everyone is supposed to fit into the same mold; all of these things are catapulting us forward out of our innocence and into a life lost.
all i know is that i have a year left of high school. and at the moment i absolutely have to make the best of it. i want to remember this time differently than everyone i know being so focused on school and grades and colleges. its the stupid things that must be done, whether it be sneaking out, running through sprinklers at 2 in the morning, camping on our schools campus, having beatles marathons. whatever. but being active, being with my friends (the ones that i want to be around and chose to be around), doing random shit that may seem pointless but is so much fun and helps to make you feel like you are just a teenager.
thats what i want.
things are going to happen that are beyond my control (a little) and i need to get over them, because they have happened and they can't be taken back. it was fun, it was young; and i could care less.
tangent:
i am getting so, extremely scared for the rest of my life as well as unbelievably excited. i know how much i want to get out and experience life. taste it, touch it, feel it, smell, see it. but now that i am pretty much a senior and i know that i am graduating in a year i can't help but feel scared for what lies ahead. everything is on me. i can't count on my parents, i have to count on myself. my adolescence is drawing to a close as much as i prefer it not to, you can't really help it. we are all forced to grow up; and i think having divorced parents; having a mother who has issues and tells you about them; living in this current world where the media (whether it is the news, the internet, or magazines) pushes ideas and a more mature way of seeing youth; a school where they demand so much of you but you know that you don't belong in that world where everyone is supposed to fit into the same mold; all of these things are catapulting us forward out of our innocence and into a life lost.
all i know is that i have a year left of high school. and at the moment i absolutely have to make the best of it. i want to remember this time differently than everyone i know being so focused on school and grades and colleges. its the stupid things that must be done, whether it be sneaking out, running through sprinklers at 2 in the morning, camping on our schools campus, having beatles marathons. whatever. but being active, being with my friends (the ones that i want to be around and chose to be around), doing random shit that may seem pointless but is so much fun and helps to make you feel like you are just a teenager.
thats what i want.
things are going to happen that are beyond my control (a little) and i need to get over them, because they have happened and they can't be taken back. it was fun, it was young; and i could care less.
Wednesday, May 20, 2009
she was, an american girl
tom petty sings to my soul; i could listen to him for hours and hours and let my mind let everything out.
this past week has been really tough for me for some reason that i can't exactly explain. for one, there is school (which is always there; and merely adds unwanted stress into your life); but it's also everything else. i am so excited to finally grow up and leave, but in reality once i graduate from high school i am on my own, forever. i like to think that i am independent but i am a teenager who depends on her family. i can't imagine having to take that over. you know, doing my own taxes, living on my own (after college), and all that other stuff.
i've been thinking a lot about jacob and how life really sucks. i sound like a fucking hypocrite, i know, because i am a relatively spoiled person. in the sense that i have a roof over my head, parents who love me (even though they hate each other; how they ever thought their marriage would last i don't know), food, money, electricity, running water. but really, everyone has their problems and i feel that even though many of us who have all these luxuries, can still think life sucks sometimes. it feels even wierder because jacob was more real than a lot of the younger generations within my family. like my sister kills me, she really does. she came home from college the other day, and i am 100% floored by her. she just seems so fake and isn't really aware of other people. her presence once again in my life (at least for the summer) will be fun but, i enjoy being alone, and being with my mom without my sister around.
thirdly, when parents dump their problems on you, and let you know everything. i suck at consoling people and i never know what to say to my mom when she tells me things or cries. i feel completely useless.
however; i think it was a funk and most of these things are always there, they are just elevated right now.
i have decided that while yes, 8th graders are annoying and stupid; i remember being one and always wanting to do fun things. so that is our new mission. random things, rather than staying home and watching gilmore girls or veronica mars. bon fires, spray painting, thunderstorms. i am just afraid of forgetting this time right now and the people that i like.
focus week is next week which should be fun (it would be nice to be going to costa rica or italy, but seeing as i went to london last year and loved it, i will deal); film festival here i come.
i wish i could look like this when i graduate:
this past week has been really tough for me for some reason that i can't exactly explain. for one, there is school (which is always there; and merely adds unwanted stress into your life); but it's also everything else. i am so excited to finally grow up and leave, but in reality once i graduate from high school i am on my own, forever. i like to think that i am independent but i am a teenager who depends on her family. i can't imagine having to take that over. you know, doing my own taxes, living on my own (after college), and all that other stuff.
i've been thinking a lot about jacob and how life really sucks. i sound like a fucking hypocrite, i know, because i am a relatively spoiled person. in the sense that i have a roof over my head, parents who love me (even though they hate each other; how they ever thought their marriage would last i don't know), food, money, electricity, running water. but really, everyone has their problems and i feel that even though many of us who have all these luxuries, can still think life sucks sometimes. it feels even wierder because jacob was more real than a lot of the younger generations within my family. like my sister kills me, she really does. she came home from college the other day, and i am 100% floored by her. she just seems so fake and isn't really aware of other people. her presence once again in my life (at least for the summer) will be fun but, i enjoy being alone, and being with my mom without my sister around.
thirdly, when parents dump their problems on you, and let you know everything. i suck at consoling people and i never know what to say to my mom when she tells me things or cries. i feel completely useless.
however; i think it was a funk and most of these things are always there, they are just elevated right now.
i have decided that while yes, 8th graders are annoying and stupid; i remember being one and always wanting to do fun things. so that is our new mission. random things, rather than staying home and watching gilmore girls or veronica mars. bon fires, spray painting, thunderstorms. i am just afraid of forgetting this time right now and the people that i like.
focus week is next week which should be fun (it would be nice to be going to costa rica or italy, but seeing as i went to london last year and loved it, i will deal); film festival here i come.
i wish i could look like this when i graduate:
Thursday, May 14, 2009
i'm leaving on a jetplane
i am 100% consumed with our planes for europe. me and my amazingg friends have decided to go to europe next summer after we graduate!! i can not stop thinking about how epic it will be.
french boys, british boys, clubs, whatever the hell we want.
sounds brilliant.
french boys, british boys, clubs, whatever the hell we want.
sounds brilliant.
Thursday, April 30, 2009
hold me, love me, hold me, love me
the beatles are fantastic. i love charlotte! i have known her forever; which is weird because we ended up going to high school together without ever realizing that we would. (that didn't make sense).when school ends, we have to have a beatlemania day: help!, a hard day's night, food!, and monopoly! and than we can ride our bikes around town, or just cruise!
my birthday is coming up soon. i was looking at pictures from when i turned 13 which was wierd because that was about four years ago. and i don't feel that much different.
time moves very fast, and sloww at the same time.
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